Senior’s Problems & Politically Correct Crap

 

 

This world is becoming a bit too much for we seniors that are still aware of the new trends and what is going on around us. I have given up trying to understand all the wonderful electronic devices that I just can’t live without. For over 80 years I have been well served without them so why confuse this shrinking brain with more info that I have no room to store anyway.  My roll index is more than full and it takes a longer and longer time for me to pull up needed information. The filing cabinet is full.

I am content to have a land line telephone, a computer that I have trouble with not just because my hands are stiff and shaky but also, I just don’t know what I am doing. I have sort of mastered the thingamajig that changes the channels on the TV but still must have assistance from time to time. Because I was successful over the years and saved for a rainy day, I do have a beautiful shiny almost new red Buick with all the bells and whistles.  It is not all that new after 2 years but I am still confused as to what all the knobs and dials are for. I have three more seats in a cavern like void at the back but I have no idea as to how to unlock them from their hiding place or how to get back there. Thus my 8-passenger vehicle only seats 5. No one wants to ride with me anyway.  I am told I talk too much. My wife just found where the button is to hide the side mirrors, I am not sure why because they become useless when they are recessed into the side of the car.  I just found that by pushing a button I can have my seat and mirrors adjusted to my body size. My seats also can blow cold air in the summer and get hot in the winter. I am never sure what the little signs mean until my bum freezes up even when the heater is blowing hot air. By now, it is obvious that I am not really comfortable with all the new-found inventions we seniors never thought we needed. 

All the above is a bit disconcerting but what is really upsetting is that my lovely English language is now being changed so as to be almost a foreign language. These new people that have invaded common sense, I don’t know where they came from but they want to change much of the words that I recognize, into new words. A friend started to speak about decorating a Christmas tree with bulbs when she wanted to say Balls but would not for fear that someone would think she was being obscene. Another was concerned about saying cotton ball Christmas decorations. I wouldn’t want to offend our black people. If balls are offensive, how much worse to these dopes are nuts? And especially peanuts. Are we going to be forced to say bolts and the threaded thing that SCREWS on to it (or no it will have to be that Winds onto it.)

Where does this insanity stop? I fear my language is under attack.  How could all of this be offensive? Do we have to reinvent the English language because some words sound a bit off colour? I have known two families with the last name of Dickout, how do we get around that one? Perhaps they would prefer we called them Johnny Openfly, or Dick. Yrzippersdown. Richard and John were their actual first names.

 I have always had fun with the opposite sex. I say Love or Darlin, as a form of affection I have been known to give a little hug but I must say, I could not do it with some because I enjoy my freedom too much. My wife is fearful that I will misread a new female friend and get into a lot of trouble just being myself.

Life is made to be lived and to have love and humour in our hearts.  These tight assed people that are so concerned about offending or being honest with a beautiful language that is universal, need to get a life or perhaps move on to another planet. Perhaps the planet Uranus would be suitable.

 

Paul D. Scott