Cancer Recovery & other stuff
7 Years Later
October 10th/25
I am a rare specimen and being so, I feel I have an obligation to share my story. There are a lot like me but few are willing to talk much about their inner feelings following a diagnosis of imminent death from cancer. You should know that this is not my first rodeo. Twice before this last episode, I was very close to death and did recover to see another day. One was a serious auto accident and the other was a sepsis attack. Both were close calls that could have been fatal. My purpose for writing these thoughts is not for sympathy but to comfort others that are experiencing similar feelings in their body. If I touch even one soul the whole exercise will be worthwhile. I have written in great detail the weeks and months leading up to my final decision and day of my surgery. I have written also of my few days of recovery but nothing since. So here we go on another rant.
My surgery was Dec.3rd 2018 at 8:00 AM. My re-entry into consciousness was 12 hours later at 8:00 PM. I was very lucky to have my cancer diagnosed early as it was in early stages so my decisions for treatment were chemo and radiation. Surgery, I was told by two surgeons should not be considered. This surgery is more invasive than a heart transplant these experts explained. I started down the path of chemo and radiation but with a good deal of pessimism. The more I read and researched, the more hesitant I was to follow this well-worn path. I was in pretty good shape for a man of 83 years of age and my immune system was always a concern for me because of past experiences. I knew that the natural body immunes are hard to replace and some studies in the UK showed 50% of cancer patient died due to the loss of their natural immunity caused by chemotherapy. The cancer in many cases grows faster than the immunes can regenerate. Surgery was the only option left. My esophagus was out in 10 days and my stomach was re-attached in my chest directly on to my throat. Sleeping on a flat mattress or bungy jumping were forbidden. The bile from the stomach must be kept down with only the force of gravity and the throat muscles.
Since my surgery in 2018, my body has changed. I have lost over the years, over 100 pounds and during that time I have had some very interesting physical changes that when discussed with my medical specialist, a shrug of the shoulders and they reply that many of my internal organs had to be disturbed and that is the price I must pay. I am sure that a number of nerves were damaged in the process as my back is always itchy and sometimes to the point of pain in one spot. Out of the blue, I will have a sharp pain that cripples me temporarily in of all places, my elbows. On a positive note, I have been headache pain free for 7 years. The fingers of my left hand are very sensitive and while it is hard to use them now to pick objects up, they cause me to want to pick my nose as if it were full of hard lumps. When feeling with my right fingers, my nose is clear. This could be Tendinitis except the pain in tennis elbow or golfer’s elbow is on the inside and my pain is on the outside of the elbow. Could this be just old age or is it a nerve problem caused by the surgery. I have complained about something internal below my rib cage on my right side that feels as if something was left inside me during my surgery. I can’t lay on that side but I should not anyway as I am to sleep in an upright position and on my back.
Old age and past medical procedures have combined to make life as a senior citizen not all as I expected. When I begin to add up all the things wrong with me, it is down right scary. I have, --
Heart disease – COPD – Afib - arthritis – tendinitis – kidney stones - Tremors – poor fitting dentures – sagging skin – and a very short temper.
Aside from my problems, my sweet wife has her problems as well. We won’t discuss that as Joan and I have been friends’ partners and lovers for over 75 Years and believe it or not, she can speak for herself. Of all that we face as seniors, the loss of a partner is imminent. We have been able to avoid that so far but it will be hard on the one left as we are as one in this life. True love does not come without sacrifice. True love comes when you are not afraid to put your heart and soul into the life’s work of being a married couple. We have both faced death, Joan has encountered it, and survived to work together for our family and as a team we will be together in the world set aside for us after death. We have learned over the years, not to be afraid of death but to embrace it for a much better world lies before us. So, we must keep the faith and put aside all our worldly woes and look to a better life with a heavenly body without illness, pain or sorrow. Cancer can be beaten, but perhaps not in this world.
Paul D. Scott rantingsandraves.com
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